I am a magnet for strange people and odd events. I always have been. If you’re reading this, you could very well be one of those people, be a participant in one of the events, or most likely both. I’ve decided to list some of these situations below in a shorthand form to jog my memory when I decide to write about them. You may read the list and remember the very thing that it references. You may be amused by the titles themselves. You may appreciate the list as one long work of abstract poetry. Or, I may have just wasted some of your valuable time that you could have better spent investigating the inner reaches of your refrigerator or figuring a way out of the world’s brave new precipitous slide into 1984. Or, if you’re an avid multitasker with a “smart” refrigerator, both again. Either way, here you are. And, again, just like the band names incubator, if you have something to add please let me know. If one of the titles strikes you as particularly intriguing, ask me to write that one first or buy me some type of drink and I’ll dump it on you verbally. Have a great day.
The law of 2’s.
The Poop Mound. (Written 4/2019)
Too Many Free Bagels. (Written 5/2019)
New York, yes that New York.
Los Angeles, yes that Speedo. (4/2019)
The Injuries and Near Death Experiences of a North Branch Youth.
The Danise Setup: Betrayal and Near-Fatal Embarrassment in Mankato. (Written 7/2019)
Son of Donald.
Uncle Ray, Santa Claus, and the Goldfish. (Featuring a graveside oath.) (Written 4/2019)
Big Nasty Swedish Fellow. (Written 7/2019)
The Barney Lesson. (4/2019)
Tracking the Rolex Salesman. (Written 3/2019)
Mississippi Music Fest and a Brush with Fame and the Law.
Where’s the Town Sign?
Wiener Dog -vs- Death. (Written 1/22)
My Life of Crime Begins (and ends): The Bombpop and Tim the Sociopath.
The One Day Colon Cleanse.
Pizza Delivery Confidential: The Great Pizza Stomp of ’08.
Jason and the Eight Foot Penis. (Written 4/2019)
Not Too Much Pork! Only One Pork!!
The Cult Chronicles.
How to Dislocate Your Knee Twice in One Day and How to Fix it.
You Broke the School Bus, I Murdered Your Favorite Cat.
Attacking the Neighbor’s Dog with a Mower Blade. (4/2019)
Cliff the Scary Rooster and David the Scarier Dad. (Featuring Ben and the Welding Gloves.)
Sheldon the Wizard and How to Cast the ‘Lose your Friends’ spell.
Stephanie said “You’ll never be alone, David.” (Written 7/2019)
Uncle John and the Ketchup Bottle.
Uncle John’s Solution to Ronald Reagan.
Uncle John in General.
The Darnedest Thing I’ve Ever Seen x5 or more. (Mr. Johanson and the airplane, the roller rink airplane, Julie in Chicago, Again with the Rolex, AGAIN with the invincible wiener dog, etc.)
The Unwelcome Mantel of the Stranger on the Train / Scarred for Life is the “Camp Counselor”.
Big Black Bugs Bleed Big Black Bug Blood and Big Black Slug Bugs Bleed Big Black Slug Bug Blood.
The 1957 Les Paul in Jason’s basement.
Strange Arguments with ER Receptionists (2) and Wal Mart Employees (with a special appearance by the knee-jerk mother of the year).
NEVER Use an EE Cummings Poem as your Answering Machine Message.
The Punting Baxter Worship Experience.
The Heat Pad and the Old Lady at the Thrift Store. (Written 4/2019)
School at -40 degrees.
Jesse hated that dog. He would have gladly catapulted that dog into a lake of acid that was on fire. (4/2019)
Synopsis of the strange character arcs of some of the strange people that I know.
Burning Ben and Lance’s Grandma’s Toenails. (Written 4/2019)
Emil and the Pillar of Fire. (Written 4/2019)
My Dad and the Drifter at the Bus Station. (Written 4/2019)
Going to the Bathroom Alone in Chicago.
Serving and Navigating the Residents of Appleton.
The urinating goose attack.
DTyesthatDT 
I’ll be especially looking forward to the John stories!
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